Cup Avenue: Seeing Thyself Inside a Cup

Day 1 - Valentines in the City of Smiles

2012-02-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

An hour more to go, and the Philippines celebrates the seeming glorious celebration -- The Valentines. It's the time were couples kiss, warm themselves with each others' presence, exchange their vows, and give cards and presents. It's glorious. Sweet, Romantic. Whatever.

But there's nothing much romantic fun for me. The reason? I'll have to stay away from Dumaguete - where my heart belongs - and be in the City of Smiles for a special assignment -- train agents in Panasiatic Solutions Center, Bacolod. Sad as it may be, that does not matter alot because both of us very well know that a line could make us feel better while being distant --"We have a lifetime to spend for each other -- and we have forever to do that."

That line always strikes me whenever a day makes me feel so distant from my lover. But the lines state exactly the best reason to smile amid miles away: "We have a lifetime to do that." It always dawn on me: What a great idea from a person I have never expected to catch me from my fall. There's one thing that made me love my partner more-- the spur of brilliance that makes lonely realities become instant shining silver, gloomy things to an instantly romantic one. That is Brilliance. That is eloquence.

They say comparison is bad when you do it to your past versus the present. But I couldn't help it while thinking of the very good things I have now received. In my mind I realize I have spent my 1 year and 6 months to a insensitive lover, a not-so-very-significant relationship that ended into a drastic, horrid breakup.

Everytime I train Supervisor Group in the care center, I always get to stop in one of the slides that reads: "The crisis of yesterday is the joke of tomorrow..." which I always make sure I am able to ask someone from the class to give an scenario example. Most of time, no one could give the best example. So I give myself the floor by saying, "Just as when you had a break-up with one person, then you realize after a year that you were tangled to a jerk -- you realize it was yesterday's crisis. But now, he/she is but a joke. And you laugh by saying, NGANU NA UYAB MAN TO NAKO UY!" And there, I just broke everybody a gas of humor.

But indeed, its true to me.

We'll, in a positive light, the horrible break up was still my greatest learning ground. Sometimes, people love you and you love them but it comes to an end because someone way, way better has to come. And now, indeed I have found the "way, way better". God has indeed plans we sometimes do not understand. Things that sometimes, we feel an instance of unfairness or inconsideration of life, but it's not the way we think it is. It's life's birthpains for the commencement of a NEW, BEST Life with the NEW, BEST Someone that fits you.

I could not ask for anything more in life now that God has given me the best. May this Valentines, I be able to learn that life and love made me strong at some instances before --even if in some instances I have had felt deprived and scattered. But knowing that I have already reached the point of STOP, we realize, it's an initial commencement of something new. The commencement of The best.

Day 1 11:36 PM East View Hotel

Bacolod City

For the Next Thousand Lives

2012-01-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

Let me start my very first blog post for 2012 with my expression of compassion for those who have been victimized by the storm last year.

We're moving on to another year with heavy hearts.

I have always believed that calamities like this is not at all the will of Christ; but the great result of men's mistake and actions. And from it, Nature asks for the payback. May this shed a light of LESSON to the people who took nature's bounty.

As Bible says in Genesis: "I will never again will all be life cut off by ways of flood. Never again there be flood to destroy the Earth... and that the rainbow will be the sign of the covenant between Me and the Earth."

Justice for the mishap can be brought through everybody's help in looking into the people behind the denudation of Philippine forests. I am for reforestation, and the reviving of nature from destruction.

All these, for the salvation and betterment of the next thousands, millions and billions of lives. From this 2012 on.

Time for "Mystiqueness"

2011-10-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

The guiding phrase I learned being a journalist and features editor in school -- write something fresh and interesting. Well today, I could write about how my steady and blooming love life has gone (that's probably interesting) but it ain't fresh.

So let me tell you of something that could scare the hell out of you -- the place where I exactly type this blog down through my MS word -- The Mystique Qualfon Training rooms.

I am alone in this room right now, and I'm hoping nothing happens while I type this down. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I want to let it be...

It was only the last day of training that a trainee of mine told me of her story. Since then she has seen unexplainable people everywhere. According to the mentor in the class who knew her very well, during HS years, this girl has struggled to be stronger when she sees through her bare eyes some extra-ordinary people that seem to live among us.

Months before talking to this girl, silhouettes of images seen from our video cameras have been seen in our training rooms and these have taken us aback -- in a scary way. We hear big and heavy steps in our ceiling that most times resonates all over the room - even when nobody in the production floor does. I wrote something in the board, and later on discovered.. it was gone and no trainee could do it coz my eyes are all with them.

Things that are so peculiar and this time is special because I had to talk to someone who really can see it.

It was easy to not believe someone telling you she can see "them". It's so easy; most especially if you find them really weird and loner-acting, mediocre and those who seem to have personality or esteem problems. These people, i believe are more susceptible to acting and "making-believes".

But this trainee is different, I could sense her wit and personality - someone down-to-earth, and she's never the loner type. I could see sincerity in her eyes. And there I go, listening to her while saying "I saw her beside you when you were discussing before we took a break.." -- and that freaked me out!

As our questioning came even more detailed we asked her if she can see anybody inside the training room at the moment. She looked around and said yes. Casually, we talked of her description and my hair got lifted even more. Stories came flooding in, and it made me believe that they indeed, exists.

Whatever it is, I know they are here for a reason; perhaps they are here to guide or to simply make us "believe" that paranormal exists. Even when right now, I feel my hair raise; I wanna try to believe it is. Because human as I am, sometimes, we fancy over stories as such.

I still think it's nice if they make a little noise here and now. Scary.

I am Home

2011-09-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

A gazillion number of events have turned my love-life upside down. This has happened many times. More often, i turn three-hundred-sixty degrees from one unfaithful chapter to another, yet I still have stood standing, and still smiling. Have I grown tired? Certainly, not.

Recovery to another recovery, and yet my heart never tires all of it. Until then, i realize that second chances eventually lead to happy endings. And now, I made a stop again.

My friends have been sooo tired hearing this line from me: "This is it na gyud". Yet they have never seen that my relationships work well. They often think I was the factor of the failure - I immediately repel! I just say, that life is just like that. It's a matter of "free tasting" and constantly checking of compatibility. If one fails, then let the next searching begin.

Now that I have turn a month to this current relatonship now, let me cross my fingers. I honestly say that in most times I have lost my trust to the words "lasting relationships" because it were never true to me. Yet this time, I am just placing my hopes above me, hoping that this will work eventually.

The wit, the strong personality, the appeal, and the incessant dreaming and working for is what I love most to this new one. Not to mention being so visionary, and the skill to make every person say YES. Just my ideal.

I believe i have found what i was looking for - I found my HOME to this new found love. Yet at this time, I'd rather not be too jubilant and confident now that I've learned my life's greatest lesson - Wag magsasalita nang patapos -- not until time will tell you that this finally is HOME.

Right now, I could not ask for more. I am happy, and let me just pray that this is finally it.

Before I Turn Twenty-two

2011-07-21T10:21:00.001-07:00

Twenty-two – It seems haunting to see the digits. I am indeed growing older. There is no stopping now.

22 is such a big deal. I have long been waiting for the year to finally tell my self that I am old. But before I leave the skin of my 21 years behind, let me say what I need to say to the people who have affected my life big time.

1. The Droppers (Those who broke my heart): Sorry. If you ask me why, well, you must have already known. I’ve told you enough of what my heart should say. Let me say my evil laugh: Ha-Ha-Ha.

2. The Dropped (Those whose hearts I have broken unintentionally, to be safe): I have told you enough as well. Please understand.

3. The Buds (Those bestfriends who taught me the feeling of “living a life”): I will look forward to spending with you an overnight in a cozy resort, all of us go wild, going really gaga about stories about love and life; endless fun, endless youth, endless friendships.

4. The Publication People: I will go wherever you go – dive on a cliff, check on some really extreme sports, and just like last time, be blown away by the waters in the middle of the city, crying “help”! And later, be saved by our famous, “Bhoy the Mascott”.

5. The Training Team: You colored my work-life, most times, yellow. You get me going, sweating, smiling, sometimes, annoyed. All emotions in. Thank you for showing letting me know that indeed, life is too diverse.

6. My Fam Bam: If given the chance, I would love to bring back time and take the hours I have spent sleeping lazily to be spent with you. I will miss you by the time my plans get fulfilled. No one else compares your love for me.

7. Myself: A sun so bright shines above you. Appreciate the littlest things the Mighty One gave you, and let the life loose freely. Endless possibility is in store. Yes, it is. Celebrate. Life is in session, but God is in maneuver.

8. Special Someone: You are always in my thoughts. Thanks for the time we shared. God has plans for us. Plans for something big, or even bigger than what we imagine. I love you.

On Being (not) Alone

2011-05-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

The past few days, there have been several times I thought to myself: I am such a pitiful young guy, who goes to work, then sleeps, and eventually wakes up alone in his pad, thinking of where to go, and drive to a distant coffee shop or restaurant, and make the most out of his afternoon either facebooking, or eating while wondering - "When will this loner mode end?"

Just exactly now, I am in the middle of people talking and laughing around while I am right here in a silent corner, sipping coffee. I am with my bestfriend, I call him "Super Junior", the powerful Vaio... a consolation to my lonely afternoon.

It's kind of hard to be alone. I've been texting friends to come along with me but they're either sleeping or broke, tired or busy. But that's no big deal. Because I know, I am NEVER ALONE.

Afternoons alone @Bo's coffee. 05.20.2011

While I'm alone, I think of distant memories. I think of people. I think of friends and family. I think of future, possibilities and plans. I think of someone who's very dear to me. I think of my blunders and how I learned from my the mistakes I have committed.

And then, I realized... after all, there's a streak of light in being alone. You become who you should become. You evaluate yourself and your life... later, you will end up with realizations that have never dawned on you since you became mature (if you have matured).

I feel consoled with all these things despite my being a loner these days. But what consoles me even more is the fact that I am never alone. I know there's someone who is with me in thoughts... that despite distance, we are one and together in mind (and heart). =)

The Great Poke

2011-05-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

It started with a poke.

Poke seems so simple to do. It doesn't need alot of effort. But this blog did undergo alot of mind-crashing effort. It went through alot of scratch that this is, to be honest, the third draft I have created. I don't know why its always been hard for me to start a blog when I'm inlove. Perhaps, I just want it drafted specially, but i realized,superficiality does not work. It just needs a barrel of plain honesty - just like this.

I am inlove, and I know my friends have been really disappointed of me when I failed my 1 year and a half. This time, I am proud to say I got a new one after 3 months of waiting, 3 months of expectations that went failed, 3 months of longing, and 3 months of being adrift.

Now, I know there's a direction I am headed to - right beside the person I love whom I am very hopeful with.

Monotony has to stop right here. Relationships these days have always been as simple as poking - it's easy to grab, it's always there, wild and free. Getting a fast-paced dating is too rampant in my love archives. Perhaps, that's how alot of relationships go these days. This generation, you can find love easily than never before. This generation I am into has unfortunately lost the essence of patience and perseverance - the one similar to the 50s style - to achieve happiness in love. But now, you can find love by a simple click in Facebook, or by looking for faces and sites where you'd get a match in one click.

My new one, by the way, also came so easily like a poke. But enjoying the partnership will not be as fast as you might think.

My relationship now is totally different. I know I need to place double trusts, double perseverance, and double hardships before we both can achieve the peak of love - simply because we're thousands of miles apart.

This time, I have never been willing to take this chance and challenge ever before. I know this will be a little hard, but God intended this to start the hard way. Relationships should start the hard way, before it could take the summit. This is what i really need.

I grew tired of easy games, of meeting up and "like" each other then go right straight to commitment. I want to very well boil patience, understanding, and trust despite distance. Most especially, here's what she sent me over my inbox:

Our relationship is like culinary arts. You and I are chefs, we prepare the right recipe/ingredients in order for us to have a fantastic cuisine and even add a little spice to spice up our relationship, add a dash of fidelity, sprinkle some passion, and pour some LOVE.

We poked, and started poking before we finally came to this level. But this doesn't mean this relationship is going to end like a poke. Eventually, we will prove that bigger things come from small packages. The poking will significantly come a really long way because I never have had been reassured in my life like this. I have found a romantic partner, the greatest reassurance of all - someone who won't leave me, instead tread the directions to my path to make it possible for both our roads to meet.

Someone who has all the time encouraged me that THIS IS GOING TO WORK if we let it happen. Most importantly, someone who values me like how she values herself.

For the poker, you have no idea how much i love you. I know this is the start of something new. A start of something better and longer... a start of a lifetime. We will both make it until we finally get into the glorious day.

A Poem for Woo

2011-05-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today
Joel S. Aba

Today, I officially ceased to expect
...that life offers best for those who deserve
...that life is fair and everything is constant;
...that everything magical never comes to an end.

Yes, I very well did know that too,
yet love had made me believe it so;
there aren't no doubts, no fear, no pain;
but now it left me scathed out in the rain

When you said you'd leave, you know I struggled to breathe;
I managed to smile to cover what was felt
Like a kite almost flown in the air but ceased,
and went spiral to the ground
Like death
Like sorrow
Just when a show close their curtains
But not like when spectators gaze in amazement
More like when audiences cry in sorrow
when the actors die and their spirit wave as they flow

When to start, and how, and where, but now?
When I have fallen completely in my eyes it's clear
vivid as crystals, vivid as it could ever be
...that I have now planted seeds and the life has come nearer to my sight
when the map has set a road for me, right now -- for my life

Going strong yet weaker
Going close but farther
Going robust yet not as what the mind perceives
not what the heart receives.

Goodbye lies ahead, I know I should free you--
but when, but how, but why, but now?

----For Woo.

The Light News -- We need it

2011-05-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

News networks might have highlighted the beatification in Vatican and the seeming magical union of the royalties in London too much, I would say. But well, I can't blame them -- that's public interest and news should go for what is bankable and marketable to the audiences for them to thrive, well, financially.

Yet, these things are worth watching despite my being non-catholic, non-orthodox, and an antagonist to the unfairness of social levels. Though I fancy the thought of the realities of royalties ever since I had my real name changed to "The Rock Royalty" in the old Friendster then.

Really. There's too many good reasons to watch news today. First, it's public interest. Second, it's public interest. Third, it's still public interest. Aside from those three, I have come up with about 30 more reasons but I'd rather not discuss them. I'd like to get to the prime reason -- Simple. It's embedded on the next phrase. We - you and me - need light news.

And I need more of that.

I have been drowned too much the past weeks about depressing scenes flashing the TV, that if you have been slightly fainthearted, it will turn you officially fainthearted. In the end of the day, you'll end up getting frustrated over the superficiality of the news

Gripping. Saddening. Frustrating. Angst.Disaster. Danger. Sometimes sexual. Most, deadly -- I couldn't imagine all those words mixed together. So there were times I thought Willie Revillame has, somehow, a very specific reason to exist -- to twist the night. Let me talk a little about that.

Well, I guess that's a brilliant idea. We have been drowned with too much negativity in our news programs -- this is the core of the founding of TV5's "Willing-Willie" and their statement is quite convincing: "Why watch bad news when you can enjoy and feel good?" But seriously, I don't feel good seeing child abuse in primetime or anywhere else. Seriously. =)

Many times, I caught myself in anxiety, I can't stand the negativity of media. The news has adversely led and will continue leading us to one common thought -- that there's no hope at all in this cruel world. Everything is ill-fated and seeing these news items, we become inclined to believing that we are going inside a tunnel so dark we could be saved no more.

But there's a fact: God is alive. Everything that happens now -- the good and the bad -- I can safely say that he has plans in hand that all of us would not decipher.

Whether good news or bad meets us in the early morning tomorrow, let's just take it all in -- that's the reality of life. But let's not make all these a way for us to loosen or worst, lose our faith to Him. Let this not transform a negative but a positive instead: to turn our hearts closer to the God who controls the mix of everything.

Adrift and Ready to Sink

2011-04-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

It isn't Friday as indicated in this blog post. It's Saturday and you should also know that a minute ago, I just deleted one post before I drafted this blog post. I read the blog before this (the one i deleted), and realized it isn't enough to describe what I really feel.

I know we all feel like this - we seem to vent things out in many possible ways we can - yet we realize that it isn't really enough to express what we feel. And we end up not getting the right mix of everything. You know..

So let me directly say this to someone, hoping that this second time, I can better this blog and fit it exactly to its container:

Dear You,

You have no idea how I want us together -- I could not say anything more. That statement alone tells you what I feel, what I believe, and how I want us to become. Right now, i want to directly tell you that I am filled with disbelief. For the first time, I thought this might not work. I am sorry to tell you that I have been really disappointed, and because of this, i think i need this time to think over what i really feel.

I became hardened with the hours of waiting, and I am deeply saddened about spending my Vacation Leave alone -- this, I feel because I intend to use that day to spend time with you.

I am sorry if I have to be like this - I shouldn't have expected alot. From the very beginning, I know I should have not expected and believed to every action you have showed me. This is because we aren't committed. Now, I don't even know if I have the right to feel sad and irritated. I have no right. Because after all, if we aren't "in a relationship", we are then both "single". And if you aren't mine, this means we're just friends.

We are simply friends.

Thank you. This dawned on me just now.

You make me.

2011-04-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

It's the 13th day of April and this day is doubly special because this is my very first post from my new Sony VAIO laptop. The wait is indeed over. Before you read further I'd like to let you know that this is another similar post to the many posts I have posted in this blogpage.(hahaha)..

What makes it similar? Just like before, I'll talk of love once again. But what's the difference? There will be no pain. As I posted previously, I have learned from the debacles of life and in fact, I blogged the lines: "It was a good riddance, indeed." I have considered previous experiences as good riddance for the fact that the commencement of the right person won't happen if some things won't come to an end.

After all those seemingly exhausting years of relationships, I know that God has planned for me a big break. And this time, I know is the right time. Someone came. Again. And for several blog readers, more so to my former publication mates, they might just react "Na pod?" (Again?) This is because they knew that my struggle for a lasting relationship started since time immemorial. Many times, they've seen me fall down and crushed. They saw the other extreme even. They saw me at the summit of my confidence to one relationship. But things have failed, and starting anew should come into place.

It won't matter for me how hard its going to be, i decided to risk it rather than repelling to the possibilities of meeting the right person. I need to pass that tunnel of pain to arrive to the right destination -- the destination that leads me to the right person. Right now, I have never been confident to someone than this.

I know the right person has come, and this blog may be just the same as before, and everyone expects this happiness to still fail. But I there's something I cannot describe through words about our companionship with this new one. It makes me feel as if God has given me the right timing this time -- where my heart is strong, where my experiences reached its full bloom. It's going to be redundant to say "We connect," because I know I have killed that word too much.I'd rather say, I can't explain... because that is what I truly feel, indeed.

There are several reasons to trust this new one. Several reasons to love and several reasons to be happy. Coz I know that this time -- the time has come. For you -- and you know who you are since you frequent my blog everytime there's a new post -- let me tell you this:

YOU. MAKE. ME. This is our time.

Photographs and Memories

2011-04-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

First of all, I would like to apologize sincerely to the melancholics reading this now. Tears run down your cheeks seeing the title of this post, reminding you of your incessant love to Jim Croce.

Let me start. Last Sunday, me and my sister Christine, had the chance to check our old photos stored "inside" the vintage TV we had at home. Yes, inside.. We got all the "intestines" of the TV, and used it as a shelf of photos, albums, and books.

It was an idea that just popped out my mind that moment, thinking maybe, photos could remind me how I metamorphosed from being innocent to violent. Here's what I have found:

The oldest photo I ever have is this. I was a year old.

My Mother, Rosalinda, had alot of stories to tell about this photo. When I was this small, I knew my mother almost regret why I was born. That is because she lived a zombie life. I had the most unceasing cry in the entire town, both my parents don't know what to do. They wished sleeping pills exists dominantly back then. Throwing me out of the house must have crossed their minds... That, I bet. Hahaha.

Obviously, The girl at my back is Christine Aba. The date to which this photo was taken remains unknown. Looking at the photo above, I can see only a few things have changed. hahaha.

I'd like to comment about something I figured out to this photo to the other before it. There's a similarity between them: My sister is always at my back. Up to now, she really is, always.

Finally... to end this photo blog, here's the most hideous-looking photo I EVER had - I have seen a MOSTEEER. The photo was taken during kindergarten years, where joining Sinulog de Tanjay (now Saulog de Tanjay) is never an option - it's mandatory. To move up to first grader, you have to look like this:

Thanks Holiness, passing college isn't as hard as doing this. If it was, I wish I died.

'Till next time, people. Thanks for dropping by CupAvenue.

Realizations from 1 year and a half =)

2011-03-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

You, readers, might have seen the obvious change i created on this blog. I changed it to a fresh and simpler look - so simple that you can't see anything but a few icons, bars, and words placed properly intact. At this time, I'm going to find ways to personalize this a little (probably a huge photo in the background would help) for marketability to blogworld. =)

At this point of the year, I know I am more than ready to make a blog to close the archives - expose a rundown of realizations that dawned on me in the "a-year-and-a-half relationship" I closed 2 months ago.

I care not if people tell me, "You're not over it," for making this post. At least I know that right inside my heart - even to the outskirts of it - I know I am done with it... even faster than what i thought.

Here are the tidbits I'd like to share for you today:

POINT 1: NOT all seemingly fairytale start finishes in a fantasy-like close-curtains. Movies aren't similar to relationships. In movies, writers control the ending of a story. Unlike Disney's where every struggle, however cosmic it had all turned out, all ends up in a "happily ever after". However, relationships do not at all end with a similar fate. Holes are around - you can't see it and you can fall anytime to a bunch of shit.

POINT 2: Both ends can tie if they make it possible. Conciliation can be done by two through compromise. However, if one party fails to submit to conciliation, that is where worse becomes worst.

POINT 3: Never leave an issue unresolved. If it's resolved, bury it to hell. Pain can hide in the interstices of the mind, worst, the heart. It may show a facade of recovery, but there will come a time, more so if a similar issue goes back to the picture, the hidden unresolved issues meddles in its weight and even more blocks reconciliation and compromise.

POINT 4: Reassure the partner (Tap a partner's back). This, I have done so many times. Yet, I was never reassured and that was one of the reasons why things have all failed. Relationship is a set of chapters and chapters of reassurance. Like plants, it dies when it's not fed. The other one is to appreciate every little thing your partner does for you or for others. It feels deeper when appreciation comes from a partner.

Most importantly...

POINT 5: There's the positive. Sometimes, we need to hurt someone just so we can find our path - something very brillaint Ricci Larena-Pacana shared to me yesterday. We need to be hurt not just to make us strong, but so that we can find the person - the right person for us.

It won't matter how magical it was, won't matter how long you have been together - what matters is wether you are for each other. =)

That, i now sense was a good riddance. Indeed, a good riddance. Thanks Heavens!

Have I met you yet?

2011-03-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

Today is a bright Monday, and the weekend was great.. I could say I spent it just the right way. By tomorrow, when I come to the office, I know close office workers like the preggy hot momma Carrie (Click here to see her account), or Deryl (Hit th is to see her face) will surely ask me the status of my heart.

I couldn't say a word but only a grin in my face with a bashful line, "Dating". And Carrie would act so kilig over it that if I finally see a partner, she's surely the very first person to hug me and say "Finally."

Funny as it seems but I understand that these girls constantly wish me to be happy because they know I deserve it... and they are even more excited than I am. More than that, they want me to find the best for me. Unfortunately, in the track record, I haven't found someone that fits my glass... or rides a similar boat that I have. They always drift a little far and we never connect. Several times I have to frankly tell them what they have to work on... and I keep draggin them to my boat. But I realize it won't work that way.

I had enough of that. Deryl, Carrie, and Floe knows that I need someone that fits me - someone who has the same feelings as I. It should be two people working for harmony, but not one person dragging the other.

It made me think that indeed, that distant break-up, has a reason. That is embedded on my Last Song Sydrome (LSS) : "I'm not surprised, not everything lasts. I broken my heart I stopped keeping track... I tried so very hard not to lose it, made up a million excuses. 'Coz I haven't met you yet."

At this point in my blog, allow me to take a shift: I have to be honest to my beloved blog. I don't want this blog to act foolish.

Those lines tell me that lover must be somewhere around the corner. And here's a fact: before, I sing those lines to comfort me. Now, i sing those lines to suppress my feelings for somebody.

Admittedly, I can see and feel several symptoms that I'm inlove. After all my seeming desperation, I know I should have been happy. It makes me think "This is what I have been looking for".. or "This is exactly the feeling I was looking for". This could be jubilation! Yet this moment isn't going to be a jubilation. This pains me primarily because I know I should do my best to supress the feel-good. I think this is how I would end my blog. I'll keep on trying to suppress it as much as I could - the first time in my entire life.

I wished we met earlier than this. I wish I'm resistant to feel and see that we both connect very well, that we have almost exactly the same values and ideas.

Michael Buble's song is going to help me. Just like how it helped me before.

If Carrie and Deryl asks me again, I'd grab a pen, use it as my microphone as sing:

I might have to wait, i'll never give up. I guess its half timing, the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right... you'll come out of nowhere and into my life."

When I was 17, did I know this would happen?

2011-03-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

It's March 12, 2011. Bad news is all around the web and TV but I prefer to give less care knowing that God can take care of it through my prayers. I also don't want to add the heaviness of my thoughts and emotions. That's who I am, so accept it. I prefer to be apathetic just for now.

I was scanning my blogs here in my site and my oldest, abandoned Friendster blogs (click here to see it) where my oldest post dated 2006 still survive amidst earthquakes and tsunami. I was then, 17 years old. While scanning, I realized that I have been blogging for years. It's been years that I seriously use the web, and such routine has become more of an emotional need than just lifestyle.

Today, if I have to open a new page for a new post here in my blog, I would rant about how sad I am, how unfortunate I have become, how I need love at this time, and questions may arise about how am I going to cope with the struggles. But I decided not to.

There's too much hurt inside of me, it paralyzed my daily routines. Hurt came to a point of numbness. I got tired of running for, and writing about pain. There is too much of it - I have grown weary. I don't want you, readers, to become victims of boredom and redundancy,

ENOUGH. Tears already blogged it for me. =)

Instead of staying in a sad corner of my room and do all drama in this world, I remained positive. Then just today, a light came to me. I realized that in the history of my blogging, I blogged too much about finding a partner, then breaking up, then finding another one. But amazingly, the oldest blog that I written - the oldest the web could trace - (since I have been blogging since 2004) marked no sadness, no depression. In fact, it was not all about search for love. Nothing about the damn love.

It feels amazing that the oldest blog I wrote when I 17 years old actually taught me about moving on. It's entitled, "The Road Leads Here,". I grabbed a screenshot from that blog. I told myself:

I can't believe that the 17-year old "Joel" could advice the 21-year old "Joel" of today. There, I also wrote the comforting lines:

I learned from my oldest blog post the most remarkable line no one has given me. That is moving on with the thought of thanksgiving, that everything I experienced in my 1 year and 6 months relationship - all the happiness and sadness, romances and laughters, hugs and kisses, stress and depressions, fights and reconciliations, bonding and never ending jokes, pains and healing, embarrassments we often laugh at, companionship we shared, and all the stories - are all but experiences that will build me up to becoming a better individual, and a soon better partner.

Just how I ended the oldest blog I wrote almost 5 years ago, I would end this blog with these lines:

("The Road Leads Here" Royalty Tribune, December 2006 post: click here)

Lifeless.

2011-03-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

I would straightforwardly say that I have lost all my energy and motivation to write a blog... just as I lost a very important person in my life.

I am expected to post the most lonely post the next few days, and I don't know if there is ever someone who would care reading this blog. I feel like I am going to truly abandon this writing hub, the CupAvenue, that has always become my avenue to expose my feelings (other than self-talk).

My life seems to stand hopeless. If you go to archives, and see the posts dated August or November, you would see a man of thrill, love, and excitement.

I lost all of them recently.

I have lost all hope in my search for true love. I thought my life has been secured to a person I have loved like no other. I grieved, and that's basically why I was not able to post a blog for awhile. Now that I am a little relieved, I am assured I could somehow post a content to this disregarded blog.

Just like my previous post, I still keep asking, "Where will I start?". I never know how, when, and where. It's all vague here. I am alone.

Yes, the answer lies in there - I should start from myself. It is where I know I can be happy, and i know i can be more than contented.

Who is the one for me? I never know. Whoever you are, please come soon... or please, be back soon.

Grieving a Vague Life

2011-02-15T03:46:00.000-08:00

This is the 6th introduction I have created in this particular post. I just don't know how to start and what to write in this page. I have erased too many sentences, dumped too many phrases that if "backspace" could speak, he'd say "Spare me!".

Seems like my writing power has just faded, or if it is ever there still, there might be too many things to write about, and there are too many possible introductions I can use. I am probably just picking for the best intro, but still couldn't find.

Yet here I am, successfully made just the right introduction - the most honest yet unimpressive opening statement of a blog. Something that could not gain impression, but just plain, simple, and true - just me. And this is final.

There might be too many things in my mind now, but only one person still remains at the prime center - the one I truly love. Just broke up with my partner, and just like how this blog went, I don't know where to start. I have constantly erased too many thoughts and worries, and I need to start anew.

While making this blog I don't even know what phrase could end this post to express what i really feel. I don't even know what exactly to say. Should I just say "I'm hurt" when all i feel is even worst?

Should I just say "It's all gonna pass" when I myself knows exactly that it won't be possible?

My life will be exactly like this blog - no fixed beginning, and doomed to a vague end. My life has passed this part of this post, where I never know what to say and do, never know exactly where it leads, and never know if this indeed is worth writing for.

All I know is it seems like my life has passed its summit, and I am riding to a complete fall down. It's going to end very soon, and time has stopped to me who constantly wishes for it to move.

But the question remains, "How could I start?" when at this time, I know I have lost a big slice of my life - the perfect partner who is just right for me. How would you start if you know your heart has been fixated to only one person?

Just like my life, I wanted to draft a perfect lovelife, a perfect introduction whose ending extends to never-ending. I want to start things the right way, and making sure it's right. But i realized now, that just like the introduction of this blog, there is no perfect introduction. A "sweet and savory" intro might not work - the only thing that works is an intro written and drafted with all honesty.

"I do love you," that's how this blog should suppose to start - that, I just realized. That is more honest than saying I'm dumb to start a blog because I'm all out of words to impress readers. But now that you're drifting away, how could I start another introduction? Should I be honest still, that even though people perceive "good" in my facade, that just like the facade of my other blogs, there lies the hidden me - a lonely and miserable man.

At this point in my life, and at this point in my blog, I am unsure If I have I started my life, or am I now facing the end?

February 2011

The Obsession Shift

2011-01-30T17:28:00.000-08:00

I will now bid a temporary farewell to my second girlfriend - Facebook. This happens after 3 months of being banned by my partner of using the site. It was a roller coaster ride, and I consider it a big loss being tagged as "the social network addict" of my publication way back college.

It's been years since I used Facebook (teary-eyed this time), that it has caused me to enjoy the best in life - making friends, meeting-up my partner(s), expressing myself the unique way, being able to tell the world my thoughts in a more vast coverage, being able to greet my friends in a greeting that though channeled through the intranet, it is but still addressed as though personally said.

This and more will make me miss typing "facebook.com" in mozilla firefox address bar. I could even remember my status before: "There are friends I could have forgotten if I did not log in to Facebook".

Now, I will accept the horrid fact that I will soon forget the hundreds of friends and acquaintances whose faces appear on my friend list. So here, below is my friendly "despedida" card that if I could only send to Mark Zuckerburg now, he would wildly appreciate. Here it is:

Sincerely and in tears,
Joel =)

For now, I say sorry for the declined friend request on that website, for the messages that were left abandoned. To you, I say "I shall return!"

Now, just like in relationships, we have to bring ourselves back to normalcy state. We have to bring ourselves back from pieces, and well, search for a new one. And luckily, I have indeed found her:

Yes, he is the founder of twitter, Evan Williams, and I could not explain how thankful I am to this man who made me find my second life (Ehem, sorry for the exaggeration). Now, I am building my site like never before, and realized there are too many narcissistic things I can do in Twitter.com than Facebook - putting your photo as the exact background to the profile (as seen above).

No worries if I get bored. I have twitter friends I can tweet when I miss my Facebook. =)

If Only it's Like Call Center

2011-01-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

When I was 17, I can almost remember how ecstatic I was thinking of becoming old. 25, 27, 30 were my ideal numbers. At that age, If I could only use a time traveler, I might have jumped way older and I should be happier.

But not today. At this time, while I'm 21, I now constantly wish to go back my 20th year - active, alert, and mind you, better looking. LOL. That wish came to me like a rocket so fast when I looked in the mirror and saw myself getting old.

I have never had a close friend younger than I except Michelle. I loved hanging around with my male friends aged 25 or in their 30s. And wow, they were smart, experienced, and were advisers. The best adviser I have was a nurse/teacher. He was, if i'm not mistaken, 34 years old. During those days of grief in love, he was my constant breather. He'd tell me of the best solution to problems like a mature man - a man who never let's anyone turn him down.

The best mature advice that dawned on me? He had made me realize that pretty face does not matter, thus, I should recover from all those failed relationships I have from the 'pretty faces.' What matters is partnership and commitment.. and it's just hard to get faithfulness from partners whose physique fits your "ideal". =)

Pretty nice realization.

During my broken heart days, I wished to be like him - one who could easily recover. Resistant. Fights hurt feelings like a wrestler. I wished to be mature - to be in 20s or 30s!

But things suddenly turned different. After a day's work, I faced the mirror and realized I am indeed getting old. I looked at the difference between my teenage and the present. I thought that along with the maturity I have wished for, is a depreciation of your physical body - a change that could not be undone.

Now that I'm 21, and having found the longest-running partner I have in life, I wish not to be mature anymore. I wish the other extreme - to become even younger. I am now surrounded with mature people - people who talk about families, kids, sex, money, stress, and serious work. I missed the college talks - the acquaintances, the campings, the events, and friendships.

I want to step back and return time, and be able to fully enjoy the thrill of teenage and college. If it's only like our call center - we could 'backdate' and 'activate without payment', undo the damage and reactivate something that has gone dead.

In the call center, we can make changes to errors and end up with a happy resolution - EVERYTIME. But becoming mature does not guarantee that. You become old and need to face it. Your face will soon alter the glimmer, and you will think differently.

In Retrospect

2010-12-31T08:29:00.001-08:00

You won't believe where I am at this point of time.

It's new year,12:30 (Philippine Time) exactly, the first day of the year. Just awhile ago, I was alone, outside of this building where I am looking at fireworks display left and right. I don't basically know where to go. My phone is off, and battery is empty (I'm afraid this means bad luck for 2011).

Been texting special people before the battery finally died down, but no one replied except one - my mother greeting me a happy new year. Just there, I remember my homeplace, in Tanjay, where at this moment, I know, they are greeting each other a happy new year and feasting with good food served on our table.

I should be there, I told myself. I should be sitting down our car at home, blowing the horn and making noise just like what I usually do; I should hear the sound of the chapel bell, just a walk away from our house, and see my father preparing grains of rice, fresh water, and coins placed outside our house (a traditional, old way of starting the new year).

But life has changed this year. I may not be able to do the same usual things I do 365 days ago. I should only celebrate Christmas and New year in my workplace. Now, I am treading on a different path. God has givne me enormous successes and learning - even if I never asked for it.

Just last year...

...I was in celebration of love and life. I was head-over-heels. Yet being too much into it, I became dumb. Just later after that, I was in pain of knowing a very special person in my heart cheated on me; and there were too many rocks and stones I have surpassed, rocky hills and slippery curves I have maneuvered with. I have released all my pain through tears, as I remember, and forgiveness was what I have only given. I decided to live happily.

...I was going to school and studying my lessons with the hope of getting good grades. I was still walking in the pathways of the university with my books and photocopies at hand.

...I was saddened with the fact that I could not graduate. I planned to work and attempt to juggle work and school at the same time. Just months after that, I applied to the call center and got accepted. Took calls for a couple of weeks and POOF! became a technical trainer after an interview and assessment... quite a long jump.

...I finally embraced the world of employment, and took a 360-degree turn from being an active and exposed student reporter/journalist (slash) host, into a call center trainer. I have learned this year through the position the value of responsibility and comprehending even more to meet what is expected of you.

...I was proving myself I can do it, and I was given another position. It was a step higher than the previous one and it was given to me only after very few months of working. I became obliged to be the subject-matter expert - a specialty skills trainer.

...I have proven that I can sing (well, well) and made it to the finals of the center's singing competition - our local, duplicate version of the applauded American Idol. I weathered elimination rounds and I finally grabbed the chance to sing in front of a sea of people, and ended up 4th place.

... got hatched and hastened forcibly to meet my objectives, and realized that there are people who are not easy to satisfy. Instead, they pull you down, they discriminate you - and sadly, they are just around the corners of my workplace.

...I learned that there are to many things to learn and ponder on. There is a limitless possibility for me, and all I can do is to grab it!

...Love is unexpected. Unexpected turns can happen in a blink of an eye, and I should be on guard.

...I have now learned that I am capable of loving, and I give it very selflessly.

but I learned that there's someone I should love more than anything else to give balance and fairness to my life. He is the person who could love me better, aside from Jesus, who understands more than how anyone could.

This year 2011, I should learn to better love MY SELF.

Shifting National Focus

2010-10-25T08:59:00.001-07:00

I don't have a say regarding the dreadful outcomes of politics: killings, oppresions, fights for power and influence. I intend not to say anything. It is a vicious cycle, seems inevitable, and no matter how much we contend to fight for fairness, nothing happens.

Media did its part already. But people's ignorance of the meaning of "power" in the society is the root cause. I don't want to say that Filipinos are ignorant. If I do so, it is just like facing the mirror and throwing my own image a glass.

Some Filipinos are not educated of the power of politics, what politics is, what should politics serve the people. The power of it should serve us, to defend us - and not to use it for their personal use, for their security reasons.

Maguindanao, specifically, views politics as a race to be the best. There seems to be a drive that maneuvers them, that infuses them with a different, negative energy to contest with the rest of politicans. They, instead, kill to win.

We then, for me, need to shift our national focus from POLITICS to BUSINESS. May times, I have read in books and internet about the difference of the progressive countries and the less-developed countries in the world and there is one thing that differs them - the what I call, national focus.

In our less-developed country, if we speak about "POWER" and "INFLUENCE", our minds jump into an auto-set image of a politican - could be a presedent, a congressman, or a mayor. But that shouldn't be the mentality.

If only we live in a country where we value business and thinks of businessmen as powerful, or even more powerful than politicians, the image of reality might somehow change.

The time we shift the national focus, we drag the importance of politcians a little lower. We still value them, but there will be another set of people to look up to, people whom we value and consider "INFLUENCIAL" and "POWERFUL" - these are people who does not eat the national budget, rather contributes to the economy's stability.

We should shift a little from norms. By changing our mentality, we might somehow make it.

Today, the World is in my head.

2010-09-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog in the wee hours of the morning, exactly 1:10 am (as I start typing). Boarding house at Villa Mariano - exact place. A 1.5 liter coke, and plastics from eaten burger around my table, some small plastic cups we have shared with my sister who is at this exact moment, snoozing her butt.

Television switched to channel 2, and just turned all blue after the closing anthem about 1 minute ago. All I can hear is the sound of two small ceiling fans connected from ceiling, making a sound. Rolling, spinning. One above my bed, the other, on my sister's.

The rain just stopped pouring down, and I have exhausted all sites. Eyes' a bit tired.

At the moment, while thinking of words to fill here, the television suddenly turned off. It was probably switched to sleep mode. I heard the smooth but annoying sound of a cat near the jealousy. My sister is still completely dozed off and buried to her bed.

I'm a bit hungry but I feel drowsier than hungry.

I am thinking now. How and what is the other side of the world doing? It's 1:23 PM in Eastern Standard Time. The streets are probably busy and people are hurriedly walking. The huge buildings there might be full and busy. Many people at the moment might be enjoying Disneyland. Some might be feeling starved. They might be walking to look for good food.

They are probably thinking about someone. Something. Some problems. Some events. Some people. Some memories.

Some of them must be heartbroken. They are probably thinking of dying. Some are wasted, they have consumed more than enough to feel numbed. They must be calling their friends. Some might be relaxing, and thinking exactly what I think. They must be thinking about me, but does not know exactly who I am.

There must be some people running somewhere in this world. They must be running for their lives. Someone in this large world must be, right now, writing a blog similar to this one. Some people, at this very time the clock ticks, are dying... or must have died. Some people must be in grief because of loss. How sad. How many of them are grieving? How many of them are at fear?

But there must be newly-born babies - they just came out!

Some of them must do something very important right now, and must have forgotten something.
There must be someone thinking about me. How many are they? It must be Zero.

Some of them must be building relationships. They must be making love.

But how many people exactly are making love at the moment?

But how many people pray?

How many people are dying to look for food?

How does the world look exactly from outer space?

There must be an Earth somewhere. There must be another person like me there. He must be writing a blog in his world too! He must also be inspired. But he might not be sleepy. We have a different planetary system.

How small am I compared with the world?

But what is God doing right now?

He must be busy looking after the people. But how can he manage that? No. He's just powerful.

How many hairs do I exactly have now?

And.. when will... I die?

I can't help but think. Today, the world is in my head.

A Macroblog of the "Haven't Written"

2010-09-08T03:00:00.001-07:00

I realized (just now) how situations balloon in just a month or two. They happen as they happen and sometimes, you miss writing them to at least save a memory. You sometimes think - I should have blogged this out! Why haven't I?

Thus, a Macroblog. =)

There are too many things that left their remembrance along the road, in the tip of your coffee table and you have somehow let them pass. I myself have let them vanish as the new page flip the next day. I sometimes wish everyday has its automatic record-tracker: it happens, it writes itself down. So here in the Avenue, I'd write down three blogs in a nutshell: The birthday in Sickbed, The Tragedy of the Year, and The Call Center Life.

FIRST CUP: My 21st Birthday (The Birthday in Sick Bed) - Ooops! I seemed to have missed a big portion in this Avenue. I should have said even just a small phrase that contain my hopes and dreams for my 21st year ahead. But wait, should I have second thoughts?

Many people often think their birthday is not worth telling. They simply believe spilling out your birthday, worst, birthyear, is like jumping in a pond of mud - you let yourself become a laughing object of the day!

But as for me, there's nothing as nice as someone telling you their hopes for your birthday - even when you've grown really old. Nothing to hide. I'm 21. All I have been wanting though, was to reach this age, and become a fully grown professional - and that is peeling itself to reality!

On my 21st year, I have told myself: You-are-so-freakin'-good! Be bad sometimes. =)

SECOND CUP: The Tragedy of the Year - Though this phrase may sound like an award for emmy's, this is nothing entertaining or feel-good to the ears. It was the worst day I have, I was emotionally disturbed, and almost fell my bed when I was seeing the tragedy fall from my very eyes on television.

There have been too many writings on the net (and too many videos, in fact) about the hostage crisis in manila, but there are only two strong points I can say: First, these things happen. And this one that has just happened makes the Philippines a no-exemption. Just like other countries in the world, we unfortunately have an evil everywhere, manipulating people in the most tragic way they can.

Next, these are things we should only learn from. But that case will not spring up as learning if there is nobody owning the responsibility of the aftermath. Someone should raise a hand and acknowledge a sin, and not constantly pinpoint people to avoid criticism.

Amid all these, I fervently pray that the Lord guide us through in preventing all these from happening.

THIRD CUP: So This is What They Call "Call Center Life" - I have long been planning of a major major macroblog for this, but time just won't allow me to draft. For the sake of this, I can finally say that I have fully embraced call center life - the life I have never dreamed of in college days.

I had too many negative impressions of a call center when I was 19 years old. I came to the point of thinking that applying for a call center means narrowing my life span to only 10 years. The world has created mental meatballs of the words "call center" as a job of stress, emotional pain, technicalities, sleepless nights, insomnia, worst, AIDS!

But call center is not as bad as I thought. I may have only experienced a month of taking calls, I could conclude that the agent - himself - will create his own description of a call center.

But nothing is as fun as this job - and that tells everybody that I am enjoying every step of the way. I may not stay in a call center as trainer/supervisor for 5 to 10 years, but this one is the job I would constantly owe my life with. I have truly learned!

The Major (major) Mistake

2010-08-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

Venus Raj's question created Ms. Philippines' major mistake in life after failing to answer a question in front of a million entertained audience, hopeful Filipinos. But any excuse could be considered - US President Bush had not even answered that question... But now that the pageant's fever took a lower level, Raj's question is not addressed to her alone. We now think over our previous experiences and we answer them as if we were on her shoes.

What was our great mistake?

My mistakes in life were countless. Most of which were minor and irrelevant. One was when I posted a picture on a website and realized there was no way to delete it. I hosted a pageant and I was too late, I was jittery, and was not able to handle the crowd well. I learned from it and did my best to correct them after the next possible opportunity.

As I write this one, I also remembered I failed to graduate at the time expected because of a mistake. I failed to give much attention to matters that could affect my life greatly, rather sought for happiness from other people.

But if asked about what my gravest mistake was, there is only one thing I could recall. That was when I invested my time to the wrong people and to the wrong time.

There are too many mistakes to mention. The truth is: though we commit mistakes, nobody in this earth would ever collect a timepiece of mistakes! It is not that we do not want to answer such a question for reasons that we never admit mistakes.

Truth is, humans have the nature to never think of previous mistakes.

We live in everyday to correct previous mistakes and burn them in our thoughts one at a time. We strive not to commit mistakes but to look forward. We all are given the chance, in everyday, to correct previous mistakes since time immemorial.

We might just be doomed to this.

2010-08-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

You should brace yourself now. Your mind should have been conditioned with possibilities now: You'll wake up one day and see yourself handing this 500-bill to the nearest kahera.. Question is.. are you ready to face that day?

You might presume I am against any Aquino after having supported a non-winnable candidate the previous election. Friends think I will eventually become an antagonist to a government all these years... and most especially that I am not for the yellow candidate since Month 1, week 1, day 1.

But tell you, I am not. Honestly, I have figured out the positive side of Noynoy... but wait, it did not come out naturally. I JUST TRIED.

There is no choice after all, and there is definitely no chance and hope with still trying to push reality to imagery and fight for a non-winnable candidate until now. To make it simple, we should - despite negative feelings - succumb to one strong and hopeful government.

I, afterall, see the vivifying sincerity and passion from the present president. This line, after all the rage and madness in the elections is all I can say: This blog is too late (I saw this saved on drafts) and I just our country could wake up from the reality that we have been left way too far now. And there needs action.

I am antagonist college guy no more. Not until this present government shakes my patience like it always did before.
We are all doomed to this. We are doomed to succumb to the present government, we are doomed to follow what the majority thinks is right. In the end of roads, we hope.

I'm half full, half empty.

2010-06-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

I never thought that life would change as quickly as this. It were like days passed, and i was scanning photocopies with the hope to pass my final exams. It were only like days passed, when we were so happy and everything feels fine. It was a free life - i log in my facebook account and feel really light about everything going on with my life.

Now, you can see me with a casual attire, with a facade of a professional. You will see me going inside the office of a call center, with a greater confidence of myself. And in the wee hours of the morning, you will see me buried in the bedsheets... snoring.

This MAY be the life i want to live with - being instantly promoted three levels upward only after 3 weeks of training, being the youngest of a group of technical trainers, and will soon train future call center agents even with only 2 weeks of call center experience. This road has caused my family utmost happiness for this will soon be of big help to them.

But i don't understand why this random acts of fate has caused my life to be half full, half empty.

With the success I am experiencing at work, certain issues have been constantly striking me. It's pulling me down... and i feel demotivated everytime. I don't know if this should be the pain that is the cost of the good status i have at work. Or maybe, life really has to be pulled down when you're pushed up.

I don't know why when everything seems to work between us, things go spiral and eventually sink instantly just because of a small issue that has suddenly turned big. And because of this, i am in deepest despair everyday for an act that was not meant to be, for a forgiveness someone has to accept, and for a trust that has to be re-planted for a cause. Aside from that, i want to treated fairly, and i want to be treated the way i must be treated.

I fear i'm not seeing love anymore. I don't think someone is showing love anymore. I see acts of being mean and rude. Things have changed. I fear i might not be happy anymore. Because surely, as of this time, I am not.

Truly, not everything is constant and permanent. At the end of the day, there's only one way to go - the recesses of the silence of prayer. By then, i wish my glass is full.

Our Business-like Politics

2010-03-22T21:54:00.001-07:00

I was doing my errands at home when i was taken aback with my little nieces (while playing the famous Plants versus Zombies in our sala) sang out their hearts with this not-so-impressive song on television: "Si Manny Villar, ang magtatapos nang ating kahirapan."

DAMN. How I've been irritated with the song for a gazillion times! ENOUGH. And i thought that life would be better if televisions automatically get "power off" when the filthy-rich, pro-poor Villar-Ad cues up. =)

But i have to face it: I was amazed at how the song captured Filipinos, most especially children like my nieces. Sadly, for me, it has turned the game of politics into an image that has most likely been taking the shape of business - and its all business.

I even found a picture of him on a seeming campaign material stuff, and yes - it really looks like a product label... and with this, you should agree:

Just as how products rise from a stage of introduction to maturity (that which is known as "the Product Life Cycle) some politicians, such as the latter, came up with a style and tactic like that of business. But is politics all that? Or if politics is all that, are we only choosing a presidential bet based on the pattern of business (that is when the most popular product rises above all else, and win the race in the market).

If there's one thing that needs to be changed in our political system, that is to make everything fair for every politico in terms of displaying themselves to the wide public. I still don't know how this could be possible, but the idea of limiting the airtime of these advertisements down could be of help to the system.

It seems that people (Filipinos, most especially) take too much action when being motivated. And when these financially advantaged politicos use their financial power to motivate people through the use of the powerful boob-tube, Filipinos are led to believe and highly encouraged. And this may lead to something more negative than expected.

Politics may be defined as "selling one's self to achieve a position", but can't we at least draw a line and not make politics a business?

Where has the gentleness gone?

2010-02-22T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was scanning the last post i've made here, and realized that i have not blogged for a while. I was in deep slumber for writing anything for the blog... but was awakened with a strong will to really post my say regarding the disturbing hullabaloos around me. Depressingly disturbing.

Even at this very time, i still find it bizarre and hair-raising to think about how tragic the fate were for Jayfel Rayoso and Ann Rosefe Bernadette Neri who were murdered on the first quarter of the year here in Dumaguete.

I was not a close friend of the two anyway. But I remember Jayfel, my schoolmate in Immaculate Heart Academy where i studied for two years in high school. Ann Rose, in the other hand, was Ms. Dumaguete 2008, and was my acquaintance being a judge of several pageants i hosted back then... and i can still remember how she lits excitement to the program when she smiles after being introduced.

Both tragedies were saddening: Jayfel was a 2nd year mass communications student at Silliman University; Ann Rose was a Broadcast Communication student in Foundation University. But the two had also two different stories - and that's another two, long and intriguing stories.

But the two persons' fate should not be were the story centers now that they're gone... not even to the stories of their "faults" that puts the blame to the murdered people for their acts. There should be NO REASON to murder anybody even when they had committed wrong decisions.

Going back, the story should now center on these two areas: First, on how justice was sought and how fast investigations go. Second, how Dumaguete became less gentle nowadays.

The first area can be so much debatable, it can spur a number of issues interrelated to each other, and branches to another and ends up with this: No justice at all. Slow pace of investigation. Then we move to the issues of the government... and so on and blah blah blah. The second can be less debatable - it's a saddening, obvious fact. And it ends up with only one question:

"Where has Dumaguete's gentleness gone?"

Or has it really gone? Does it even still exist?

I'd like to believe Dumaguete still is. But the several murders prove me that this place is not as gentle as i'm hoping it should be. And i just... fret. Many speculate that it might be because of Dumaguete's struggle to be a progressive Visayan City - and that i bet.

There are many positive prerequisites to progress - strong economic system, good governance, massive public works - but we cannot alienate the fact that it also brings forth negative prerequisites. These negative prerequisites are now slowly occurring as i see it - more street children, more garbage, and the aforementioned, CRIMES.

Besides Jayfel's murder, three crimes have occurred in metro Dumaguete - one in Banilad Pensionne House (the murder of an alleged prostitute), one in Sibulan (The Hara Sang FU case), the shot doctor's case, the shot businessman's case, and the tear-jerking news about a 9-year old child raped in Valencia and then later helplessly beheaded.

What has justice done today to these people? Where has the gentleness gone?

These issues may only be birthpains of progress. But if these are birthpains, I'd rather stop progress be born. It isn't progress if it can't spare lives.

"Tingog": A KNN-U! TV Prduction

2010-01-19T17:16:00.000-08:00

As promised here in the avenue, here's our collaborative output entitled "Tingog," a documentary mixed with a "man-on-the-street" style Public service announcement video. With me walking in the streets of Cebu City for the production of this output were Beverly Zena Jane Linao, my KNN comrade, and Silliman Univesity's Kapisanan ng Mass Communicators delegates Kathryne Mercado and Hana Pa-a.

"TINGOG" (Voice)
A Kabataan News Network-U! TV Production
Voice-over/Production: Kathryne Mercado
Cameraperson/Production: Joel Aba
Production Assistants/Production: Hana Pa-a, Beverlt Zena Jane Linao
Editor: Karen Seno

This video is centered on the Right of the Child to participation, the contributions of United Nations Children's Rights Convention (UNCRC) in its 20 years of existence since 1989, and whether the UNCRC's contributions, along with government's intervention, has pushed the implementation of UNCRC to higher heights at present.

We are very proud and honored to have been trained and assisted for this video, our adviser for VIDEO group and (ehem) Lifestyle Network Philippines' Executive producer Karen Seno. Bigatin! =) Thanks!

And nakakapagod na editing time and brainstorming time with Lifestyle Network Philippines' Executive Producer Ms. Karen Seno!

The pun side of political exaggeration

2010-01-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

When the only way is to exaggerate to gain
popularity or massive votes, there's only one question to ask:

League for the Little Children

2009-12-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

The last best experience I had in 2009 was when I traveled the next island and realized how necessary it is to protect our children.

I was out of nowhere when I was picked by Kabataan News Network - Dumaguete Bureau to be one of the lucky delegates for Dumaguete City to the week-long United Nations Children Rights Convention: 20 na, Ano na? or the Regional Media Summit held at Mango Park Hotel in Mango Avenue, Cebu City. Not to mention the all-expense paid trip, great food, meal allowances and the free nights' stroll. =)

With me was my constant companion in KNN crimes, Beverly Zena Jane Linao, and fortunately (but unfortunately) 8 other delegates chosen by the Kapisanan ng Mass Communicators of Silliman University.

A full blog post of our trainings and seminars, as well as our outputs will be pasted here in CupAvenue soon.

Meantime, here are our individual photos during our seemingly grand ground breaking activity for the next step of activities we have to accomplish when we get back to out city:

PRINT GROUP
The Weekly Sillimanian
Silliman University, Dumaguete
*Ang mga kambal tuko. These girls produced two stories entitled "Ang Batang Mahusay" and an English story which were later published in their university paper. The strories centered on the Rights of the Child to education.

(Emmarah Contessa Sarreal, Mary Grace Nidoy)

RADIO GROUP
Silliman On-Air
Silliman University

*The prettiest of them all. hahaha! Their output had the tagline, "Bata, ilayo sila sa lansangan," had all of us touched. After the convention, they also aired their outputs over Killerbee 95.1 and their radio program.

(Alton Jave Tenorio, April Joyce Aquino)

PHOTOGRAPHY GROUP
The Weekly Sillimanian
Silliman University
*These girls aren't beauty queens. They're photographers actually. Their photos on children were then shown in posters and in sideshows during the Human Rights activity at the SU Amphitheater last December.

(Eliora Eunice Bernedo, Ebony-Arriane Lautner)

The VIDEO GROUP
U! TV
Silliman University
and Kabataan News Network (KNN) Dumaguete Bureau
*The toughest of them all! These girls collaborated with us on a video segment entitled, "Tingog," which later hit the local programming scene through a segment on their TV program in U! TV.

(Hannah Leah M Pa-a, Kathrine Mercado)

and finally...

--> eto kami, soo sexy!
Kabataan News Network - Dumaguete
we produced, together with U! TV a touching video on the Rights of the Child to participation, letting people realize that their little voices have a say to the present generation.

(Videos, photos, and audio recordings to be published here soon)

(Joel Aba, Beverly Zena Jane Linao)

The Search that was

2009-12-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

Beauty, Brains, and Body - these are three essential factors a candidate should possess in pageants like the most talked-about search, the Mr. and Ms. Negros Oriental State University 2010.

Basing these factors in choosing the year's Queen last December 1, i should honestly say, as one of the hosts, that such didn't climbed up to my expectations of quality pageantry. I had the doubt that it may have turned more as an exploitation (as many feminists say).

But honestly, it was not all that... this year's search traversed the boundaries of pageantry (or exploitation) and had successfully surmounted up to the total entertainment expectations of many people who wills to see women and men in the highlights of their lives.

And contrary to whatever exploitation feminists explain, pageants like this will always be a celebration of masculinity and femininity; the celebration of one's success.

*Here are some during the annual search for the Mr. and Ms. NORSU.

Excitements in full swing.

2009-11-18T23:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't been this excited ever, I don't know why. The past days have proven that I am such a shithead - i can't help myself. There literally are a bunch of reasons to be excited about this November and December. There's the Christmas, my mother's birthday, my special one's birthday, The State University Founder's Day and my hosting stint(s) that time, and a lot more.

But i won't mention all of those here in this post. But enlisted herein are just some of the excitements that break me down right now.

FIRST STOP: Well if you ask every Dumagueteno what's something exciting in town, there is but only two words: Robinsons Dumaguete. Here's a latest photo posted in the internet:

The mall is slated to open on Monday, November 23, brushing elbows with the Dumaguete Fiesta celebration on the 25th (If i'm not mistaken). This mall is said to be "the first full-service shopping mall in the province of Negros Oriental," according to Robinsons manager, and is said to give Dumaguetenos a different and new "night life.... and a world-class shopping experience."

Oooh, so interesting. Robinsons Dumaguete will also have more surprises in store such as a pleasant-looking al fresco, located at the back portion of the mall. =)

SECOND STOP: After several months of planning and brainstorming, we finally laid everything down to its finality - the finality of one of my several dreams in my life -- being an events manager.

Together with Foundation University Hospitality Management adviser, Christine (my sister) and her two other comrades from her field; Alton Jave Tenorio, Killerbee jock and Weekly Sillimanian News editor and events host, the most ambitious undertaking i ever had in my life has come: The EVENTS Dumaguete!

For Events and hosting services, contact 0939-185-3844.

Caught on Camera: Away-from-School Mode

2009-11-14T01:36:00.002-08:00

I'm back in the net with the realization that i should have updated my blog after hurdling the busy months of October and November. Phew! busy is indeed an understatement... and i know it would never be proper to blab much about the crawling enrollment process, and the mind-paralyzing complications at school.

So before I finally open another seemingly draining semester, I took one of my life's biggest treat: Going to Cebu the fourth time this year for a Regional Youth Media Summit with, fortunately, my best buddy coincidentally picked for Silliman Media delegation. A Macroblog will be posted here about that very unforgettable travel soon.

Meanwhile, before I finally meet the last set of tormenting subjects in college this semester, in this photoblog, i'll take a total shift from a school life mode. I'll let you see some of the most relaxing moments caught on camera. And while I'm keying words for my next post had i realized that there were several unforgettable moments caught on camera that have lingered on the past weeks. .. and fortunately, most of them were just about eating, eating... drinking, and hopping. Here's some of the great things i did the past weeks that were caught on camera.

We had some cold coffee dipping at Gabby's Bistro, one of Dumaguete's best resto.

Took some honey bread-tasting at Noriter Cafe. . .

Joined the gigster rockers at Hayahay during the "NU SKUL NIGHT". (This flick taken before the wild night started)

Took a stroll at Angel Alcala Marine Laboratory formerly Silliman Marine Laboratory...

Went to the City of Cebu as one of Dumaguete's 10 delegates for the Regional Youth Media Summit at Mango Peak Hotel (A complete macroblog will posted here in CupAvenue soon.)

Prior to my Cebu Regional Media Summit, i took another exhausting stroll at Ayala Center Cebu - The Terraces. . .

Had another refreshing coffee dipping at Starbucks, SM North Wing.

And just to take the opportunity of the eerie ambiance surrounding the mall that time, i took a pose with this human manikin, if you call her such, that halloween. Awoooo!!

And yes, FINALLY, oh Lord, when i came home to Dumaguete, a big yet small gift came... my stress reliever after the long, long hopping... my newest pet, Hobby - the rabbit with a PIG appetite. =)

Because Grades doesn't spell Smartness

2009-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Pieces from Edges
By Joel Aba
An Opinion Article
Published for the Golden Eagles
College of Business and Accountancy yearly publication
Negros Oriental State University

Learning: Redefined

Have you ever tried memorizing long sentences with the hope of putting answers to your enumeration-type test? Awful, isn’t it? But it could be much awful when you have finished memorizing everything, yet you have not actually learned what it’s all about.

It could be “utmost awful” if you do it for the sake of getting a grade.

In our university, even in our very own college, we students could have no other way but agree to this. In fact, I have even found myself guilty of such. We sometimes tend to memorize the words, but not it’s real meaning, not even the essence of why such words must be remembered.

But this manner of getting a grade has gone way deeper than just passing a subject. This has, in one way or another, destructively caused us to have a bound-to-be-fleeting knowledge of what the subject matter is all about.

A subject, if we define it, is one included in a curriculum and is not only any of the various courses of study in a school or college, but a body of learning. Learning, in the other hand is the acquisition of knowledge or skill. Therefore, trying to memorize everything discussed without properly understanding its real implication and purpose to us and memorizing merely to get a grade is virtually nonsense – or simply, meaninglessness.

But this truth does not extinguish the value of what memorizing brings us. Memorizing is good, and it is at its best, if and only if, associated with internalizing the facts printed or copied on our notebooks.

Just like how we learned our ABC, we have tried in pre-school memorizing all the 26 letters of the English alphabet. But memorizing alone is not the real essence of why remembering the alphabet is a must. The practice of using them to produce and spur out some phrases that breeds to sentences, to paragraphs, and to speech is the main objective of such memorization – the “real and essential learning.”

And just like going to school, and answering our paper exams, we need to restructure and redefine the process of how we learn – trying to understand what it is all about, which is primarily the golden rule in learning. Questions like, “Why do I have to study this?” and “What learning could I get from this?” or “How will this confuse me and sharpen my mental abilities?” are the right questions in redefining and reassessing our learning process at school.

Our teachers in the College of Business and Accountancy are all armed to instruct us. It is up to us to remember their instructions by heart and mind, and hopefully resuscitate them in the future, not just memorize them and “gone with the wind”.

Only then will we say that the words, “I have truly learned”.

To Whom it may Concern

2009-10-15T20:45:00.001-07:00

"For some people, the best way to hide homosexuality
is to act homosexually.
Laugh at it. Jive with it until it covers up.
Because they simply know reverse psychology...
but sorry guy,not a very brilliant idea."

What a Talent! (Cup One)

2009-10-14T18:44:00.001-07:00

If you think you've got talent, think again.

....cause you are about to find out that saying "having a talent" is way far from this "REAL Talent" of Ukraine, Kseniya Simonova. Take a peek at this amazing artwork of Ukraine's got talent 2009 Grand Champion who took the world wide web by storm! The video of the other equally talented contender of Seminova will be posted here in CupAvenue soon.

A mix of everything.

2009-10-12T21:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

It's October 13. and I've got a lot of rants today, diary. Not only because I felt dismayed of the final examinations going on, but because i haven't actually written much to you lately.

Today, I memorized a 100-page photocopy for an examination in International Marketing, only to realize that only a page of it came out. And yes again diary, i missed that only page. Fortunately dairy, i flunked together with most of them, and we are getting ready for a so-called Martial Law 2010. Isn't that cool?

But now that it has ended, diary, I felt a perfect mixture of everything under the sun: pressure, stirring emotions, worries, failures, successes, excitement, itching knees, flattery, love, missing feelings, and all that. This, however, resulted into a myriad of puzzle to me today.

Yes. diary. I am puzzled. I am so puzzled how responsibilities crash this week, and i am even puzzled how, amid my busyness, i was able to handle the pressures so far, that i still have time at this point to write for you.

I also am puzzled, diary, why i felt so in love despite arguments and heated conversations that have taken place the past weeks. Yes, diary. It felt so draining that i know i have to consume all the energies of the world to compensate. I think there's a need to never believe in quarrels anymore. They all end up in "sorrys", diary. And hugs too!

I am also puzzled, diary, why my bestfriend felt so confused when in fact, there's no big heck with choosing between a handsome guy and an appealing guy. She's got a long, long hair, diary... i hope she could still walk without stepping on it. She will also pose for our university magazine on Saturday. What a disaster!

I am also puzzled diary, why some beasts could be so different. You know, they become so desperate of getting a month-long debt to the extent of texting my Mamah and Ate one Friday night. Oh, how i felt so embarrassed, diary. I never want to feel that way again. Thank God I've paid it and may that shut the beast's dirty mouth now.

Now i guess i have to constantly update you. I felt a little lighter now... I think i will no longer be puzzled by the end of this week. I will soon be seeing two-point-zero scores to my grade sheets, and that will all be fine. The Martial Law 2010? I leave them all to God Almighty, dairy. 'Till next time.

Puzzlingly yours,
Joel

At Philippines' Grandest Mall

2009-10-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

I was thinking all along that Mall of Asia was the best mall I've seen so far... But i realized that size doesn't matter now. What matters is how perfect it is... And yes, "The Terraces" of Ayala Center is Cebu's newest landmark that hit my jaw and dropped it! Really 5-star i should rate, with the best people, and the best ambiance.. Truly amazing!

What a great weekend that was.
(more photos at www.facebook.com/joelaba)

It pains your ass.

2009-10-04T23:13:00.001-07:00

The most hard-hitting criticism i have ever heard from somebody was when I was told I was insecure. Another said my hosting in a municipal festival was "not good enough." Another was when I was told I am irresponsible, tactless, and boastful from a group of people I have called my family.

Upon hearing this, I had a hard time figuring out how true those were; wondered, kept asking if i really did wrong, or whether those criticisms were simply made to malign me and demotivate. These irritants of life, i should call, flinch me. I admit some of the criticism were right. but few of them were actually far-flung, and are meant to simply make noise.

In my 6 years of trying to prove something to myself, Thank God, I have learned enough how to play with criticisms. Everytime criticisms hit me as if it were a gun, i pull the bullet strongly out on the part of me I was hit, and in stride I analyze first if these were destructive or constructive before I begin react. I always think of the puzzle this way: there could only be two sides of the coin - one could either be because they are insecure, and the other one could mean its true.

I have always been passive to criticisms. I opened my life publicly to be appreciated, and well, criticized too! I lived being criticized and i find it challenging and life-changing. I never repel, only when there's a need to. And I have practiced constructive criticisms most especially to the people I care the most. "Real friends are those who can be roughly and harshly honest," they say, which I believe is also tantamount to love's.

There is actually no bad thing about criticisms, if only the people did not create the negative connotation masked on it. But there are some who think of it as if those were intended to irritate or demotivate them badly.

There is no "right authority" in criticism. Like our opinions, everyone of us are entitled to criticize constructively other people according to how we see things... and its up to them to either succumb and improve, or ignore and stagnate.

As far as I know, the improved people are those who passively succumb to critics and improve themselves from it. There are even successful people who live in criticisms to make themselves grow... and unless people take criticisms, people will stay on the level they are now. No growth. No improvement.

We just have to embrace criticisms as it were part of us. And to whom it may concern, may you find these words enlightening.

A Warning we should take heed

2009-09-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

The happening in the afternoon of Saturday, September 26 broke out like a raging typhoon to the world. And it really was. Typhoon Ondoy hit Metro Manila and neighboring provinces like a sudden spill of a cup - unchangeable, inalienable. The typhoon shook, and took away a hundred (and counting) lives. The metropolis suddenly transformed into an eerie of doom and gloominess while debris march along the flow of the current in the flooded areas of the place; with people waiting with their feet firm on rooftops of flooded houses, hoping for a quick rescue.

I heard of the fateful happening while spending my weekend in Cebu City, the first time after a long time. This also came to me like a shock like how it came to everybody because I have never seen a shot of progressive Metro Manila in its flooded, extremely drenched scene. I have never seen Manila in its calamity state, drenched not only in waters but also in melancholy, silenced cries, and the indescribable luminance of malady at its peak.

And to add to my increasing shock, I remembered my brother Jerry in Rizal, who we later discovered to have walked 8 hours with half of his body under water, to rescue immediately his belongings in his house 20 kilometers away.

Perhaps, as these scenes flash on our eyes on television, realities cross our minds. There's nothing we can do but prevent such to happen again. In this light, we remember that the humankind has done a mistake.

Realizations come that God crafted all these things to happen: to shake our minds and hearts through stirring it, and in the end, making us realize that we can do our part for the environment.

There's something we should do so we will no longer hear these alarming news next time. And the answer is on our hands.

My eyes are cleared

2009-09-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

"Could it be the reason?" I surmised as we walked with a group of friends that stressful day. "Well, if he says it, It's okay. As my book suggests, It's a small stuff," I continued. "But If he says it," I blurted, "I confirm it fully... he's indeed a faggot."

And yes, he did. He did a not-so-manly remark that day. It was something a straight man could not do, or maybe not care about. And it didn't happen once during my moments of careful observation. And that remark is not my only basis.
Many times WE have always questioned his manliness - in his back. There were many of us in fact. But no one could dare ask him. Our former close friends who already graduated have aired their doubts. My sister even asked me once. Many of my close friends who know him did and I did, too. But again, no one could tell him. And who would? Who would dare ask a kind of question to someone who has been too good to you? Can you ask it straightly to his face? I couldn't. We couldn't.

He's silent today, he's loud tomorrow. Most times, he jibes with men... The voice defies, but the interests couldn't. He's different. His stories of his relationships to women are still in mid-air, flowing in dubious whiffs of smoke. From ideas to acts, from his walking to the flow of conversation... I just can't help but question. And when the colors show off, my group of friends, with just one wink and silly smile from me, gets it. And then, we question.

"His laugh shows it," one blurts out. "No, he's threatened with gays, and that's what gays do," one rebuts. "Yes, he's awkward with other guys," one airs. And the questions go longer and longer and I cut it with a remark, "when we question, there's a 99% possibility." It is not necessary for a man to have a relationship to the same sex to be called gay.
And yes, the issue ended there. But there's nothing wrong with asking ourselves. Poeple ask when there's a need to ask. We ask the government if we see signs of injustice. We asked our parents in our confusion stages then. And I don't think, that at this time, questioning one's sexuality in a private conversation is an act of defaming a person, or maligning one as an individual. We are free from being penalized for such conversations. And I never think God has called questioning a sin.

But that stressful day proved me. His remark were like a big Yeses pointed on my very ears. The remark I'm saying remains controversial. But I'm not bitter nor did i feel ashamed from that remark or act. I still respect people regardless of sexuality or how they've tried and reeled toward being a man... even if they fully can't. It's their life, it's their happiness.

But that fateful incident sure did extinguished my doubts. And now, I doubt and question no more...

Rekindling First Love.

2009-09-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

I can't clearly remember what ambition came first when I was a kid. As far as I can remember, there were numerous of them: being a pilot, being a teacher, a scientist, an inventor, animator, TV host, architect, among others. But there's an ambition then that my parents still believe i could become. And seeing the signs back then: the busted tapes, the dysfunctional karaoke, and the stories my family and relatives tell about my childhood, I have the strongest certainty that music, among others, is my first love.

My parents' stories could prove one thing: being a singer was my first (frustrating) childhood ambition. But college took that love away. I became a fan of writing and hosting. But the past weeks draw me back to my usual childhood vice. Yes, I was kind of oblivious that i have been drowning on a vice too expensive.

Okay. Okay. I was oblivious for days and now i realized, I have really been so crazy with singing, particularly the videoke. I realized by the end of the week that I have consumed half of my allowance for videoke singing. Too bad. "Whatever happens," I say, "singing never ends."

I have never been a bad singer, i suppose... but I believe I am not very excellent (knowing that the now-known Chivas and Bunny won against me and my partner back in a duet competition in high school). Despite these, there's still something in singing and the videoke, particularly, that drags me into this different feeling when I take the microphone and sing the lines. It's also something that my close friend Alton Jave, a videoke-hater should i tag, has not understood well. (BANG! hahaha.)

Probably because its part of my family's life since then - my Papa used to be a singer in his teenage. My Mama, well, loves music but music hates her. And to prove that, my mom bought a videoke player with a song book last summer, and when asked why she bought that, she tells us, "magtoon man ko'g kanta beh!" BANG! My closest sister Christine, like me, was a choral soprano member of Tanjay's El Shaddai Senior choral and has never refused a videoke microphone passed to her. My Manong Victor does sing. As a matter of fact, he spent his month's salary for a bulky videoke machine and makes money (imagine the many 5-peso coins) out of it.

We just love singing. My friends barely know this but in our house almost everyday, the videoke player with 10,000 songs are on the ready, the song book is open 24/7, and the microphone is set in its place. My father usually welcomes visitors to sing in the house, while mom prepares some drinks for them, and they socialize, talk, and talk.

From that time on, I realize there are more reasons to come home every weekends. But i don't come home just to sing. But there's something in videoke that makes me feel glad. There's more to just experiencing the nice feeling of having reached the highest tone of my favorite jaw-breaking videoke songs.

I feel glad that right now, after mom having bought a videoke, weekends are never the same. Rather than just sleeping, eating, and talking, there's a different kind of chain that bonds us together as a family. There's a moment that we smile together, while our spirits delight the presence of each other. There's a bond that flushes away our worries of tomorrow's school, work, and people.

Most importantly, i feel glad I'm back to the love that in a moment in my life, i have forgotten... and I'm back that its back for good and we'll share life together.

This could mean "Finally Happy"

2009-09-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

Every post in this blog site is a cup. And before I start off my rants in this cup, I would like to tell the whole World Wide Web that I noticed an injustice in this page of the web: I noticed that the entries I posted here in CupAvenue have no dates - and I resent and protest against blogger templates for that. Anyhow, I would like to tell you guys that the dates between the previous post (entitled "One Down") and this recent post you are reading now is virtually close. The previous post "One Down" is supposedly dated August 25, while this one is dated September 2 - that's about a week after.

By the end of this entry you will notice an obvious difference seen between two posts. Both are in the opposite extremes. The post below is obviously a post of my typical rant - Sadness, Sadness, Sadness - since blogging has, for all these years, my avenue to express anguish, yet has also become my refuge.

And that's what I did last week. I blogged my sadness out. And just so you know, I drifted in utmost pain. I found no peace. I see hatred more than love, and I felt more than just depressed. It was a depression that almost shook my life, and in our last weeks together i knew that i was treading on a road of uncertainty and distrust. I was treading on a road of failed expectations and endless exasperation and bitterness. And all these happened just weeks ago.

This post, in the other side of the spectrum, is an expression of, not just freedom, but happiness and full delight. Now i felt like taking that 360-degree turn. And this blog will serve a creamer and sugar to the bitter ingredients inside the cup of my present life.

Yes, I am happy. And you shouldn't be shocked if I tell you that someone makes me so happy. Yes, I know you guys will think that I am taking relationships as that of dress rehearsals, or one-night love affairs, or short-term gamitan. But may you not think that way... Ayaw pod! I should tell the whole world that I am in love with someone I have long been looking for, someone so different.

I don't expect much from this person, but as of this time, I can clearly see not just the sincerity that we have for each other, but the many commonalities we figured out of our selves as we conversed. Right now, we both know that we have found the missing piece of our lives. We both know that our attitudes and values, personality and character, even interests and skills are in one container - and this happened to me for the first time. We are partners, and i love thinking of the fact that we are not just partners in the edge of its name, but partners in its real essence. And this fact breeds a feeling of assurance to me. Though I acknowledge the fact that I never know what lies ahead.

I never know what happens next, more so about what might be the next bitter posts after this. It could be "One Down, Part two" and I'm afraid I might be posting the same title to it's Part 20 after a year. I might blog again and say that i have proven again that I am such a failure. But i never care. As long as i continually, by faith and love, take this challenge with the one I love. And now, I feel the sense of security for the first time.

I never felt this thankful and it feels like a miracle is happening to me. It's a miracle. But now I'm thinking, could a miracle happen to my blogger template posts' date dysfunction? Grrrr. That could be my next bitter post. =)

One Down!

2009-08-25T00:44:00.000-07:00

There are many things I would have to tell you. But you were hostile to me. I hope that someday, you will realize that every sermon has a purpose and not a "pambikil." No, I never would have wanted to give up. But i was almost there. But you reacted the other way. And that was it.

Thanks. May you find a man with endless patience, with a deaf heart, and an insensitive ear not to hear or feel how painful you say words to a boyfriend - a man too dumb never to leave you after being said with bad words, and an unintelligible guy who doesn't care about the messages he sees in you inbox. And by that time, you will have the partner that you needed.

--------

Kablaaaag! One Down.

My search for true love only proved one thing: I have always been a failure. And every time i think of this, and how our argues and all those hostilities went, i often dissect my innermost self again and ask what's wrong with me. And there i knew it wasn't me. I handled it well. But then, i was only wrong in choosing the wrong one.

Yes. Another one relationship down... and it was undeniably the most stressful. 2 months and 4 days. I gave up. Cee also gave up. We can't meet at a common end, and our attitudes can't both jive together. We were different, and as we settle differences, another one comes along.

For so many times, i have enforced rules for us to agree and follow to. Yet, there's always a deviant attitude getting out, and I kept on restructuring and restructuring, reassessing and reassessing until it has become redundant. Tiresome. Lonesome like a cup running out of coffee, a river running out of water.

It was hard. With the restructuring and reassessing process, i have found out that I was in deep anguish and pain for Cee to have imposed her own rules and denied what we have agreed together. Small things have become complicated. Long sermons have taken place. Then, I literally lost my voice, and had recurring fever in about 5 days. And THAT was the sign to give up.

Right now, I don't know if i celebrate or grieve. All I know is that i feel light. It's the lightness inside that I have not felt for weeks of argue, pain, and hurting.

After the long struggle, i brought my "self" back, and befriended him again. "You're still young, and the one is yet to come," i said with a smile.

Pinoy into the K-Pop Mania

2009-08-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

While reading the first few pages of "Angela's Ashes" last Saturday evening, a documentary show on television took me aback. But it was not really the television show who took me aback actually, but that very familiar beat of a so-widely-popular Korean song "Nobody," by the Korean Wondergirls did. Yes Actually. That very danceable music of "Nobody" did.

And why not? And WHO would hate dancing to such a danceable beat?

It was as if ever since I heard that song and seen its video, my eyes have seen my neighbors, classmates, even office mates metamorphosing to becoming "Nobody" avid fans. And I have actually been a listener of the song too.

But I am not fan. In fact, I just can't be a fan. Seeing that documentary strongly reinforced my belief that becoming a fan of Korean pop (K-pop) could not do me well. More often than not, it gives some lurking adverse effects to us Filipinos and this, unfortunately, may have remained oblivious to many who are now slowly metamorphosing themselves into Korean music followers.

But I came to ask through the documentary i saw: Could there be more non-sense than lovingly singing a song you do not understand? When the lines "I want nobody, nobody but you," is the only line we understand?

What makes the whole thing absurd and saddening is when we see our own fellows turning into avid fans of these Koreans, to the extent of others wasting their pesos for trips to Korea (as seen on TV) only to see the Korean artists they've been madly, deeply in loved and crazy about. Ridiculous.

The more it becomes detrimental absurdity is when such dominance of Korean music drags our own Filipino pop culture away from the limelight. It loosens that once-tight pride we have to our Filipino music and to our Filipino Musicians, who, as we know, are one of the bests in the world.

Because I know there is something to proud of in our Filipino artistry and Music, and that shouldn't be disregarded amid the invasion of other culture's music to our archipelago. Filipino artists are one of the bests in the world, and we can push that further through our initiative of patronizing and avidly supporting our Filipino music, the first step.

Cause they Don't understand!

2009-08-06T22:19:00.003-07:00

Many of my friends and family members have not known clearly, for all these years, the enormous sacrifice being a member of a weekly student publication. If I have to slap words on their faces and tell them how hard it is to catch up 3 deadlines for your class, and meeting at the same time deadlines of 3 articles for the paper, all in a day, they might realize that a student-journalist like me is dealing on a really serious shit all day.

It is because some of them have not experienced such a stressful yet rich life in college being a student-journalist of, to note, one of three weekly student papers in the Philippines.

And I grieve with them… yet I can’t blame them.

But such rants from people either regarding topics we write in the publication, or regarding the nights I come home late or why I slept in the office that may have remained dubious to them, or the busyness I’m into that I could no longer spend time chillaxing with my peers (mostly on Tuesdays and Thursdays) and all these are irritating me badly. I came to ask, why couldn’t these people understand our work – why couldn’t these people open their eyes and see what I see?

Before I tell you how I realized things, I acknowledge the fact that I’ve been delinquent in the publication that I, in fact, instead of getting a higher rank, was dethroned from an editorial position to a not-so-editorial position when classes opened this school year (that is, assistant features editor). But no biggie! I know writing for the student and informing them of your views doesn’t demand you to be in an editorial position. And simply, I do not need an editorial position since then.

Yes, I might be delinquent in the publication since my first year, but I know that as years have gone by, obliviously, the publication shaped me into the person I never was before -something that I want these people to know. My nationality was kindled through the paper, notwithstanding the many enhancements it has done to my personality, speaking and writing communication, human relations, school spirit, and your awareness toward local and national issues, even computer literacy (I knew how to get pimples and scars off your photo in Adobe, anyway - but i very seldom do it. =))

Above all and all, my burning love to be part of the team rooted from how it has enhanced my knowledge on things I have never learn in the four walls of my many classrooms – something that pays great dividends, for me.

Now how would I explain to a family member the reason why I come home late at night, when my mere redundant is that i stayed in the office? How could I ever explain to my ranting friend who wants me to go drinking with them when I was attending the meeting? And how could I reason out why we have to write about the putrid smell of our school canals to an unintelligible teacher who doesn’t even know what press freedom is – and how we fight for it?

To The Woman of the People

2009-08-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

To the woman whose life is, to us, a life given for the Lord and Nation
To the epitome of democracy
an Icon of Filipino Faith, and Nationalism
The Woman whose patriotic spirit continually gives us power...
To the once-in-a-lifetime Cory,
we give all our thanks and respect
...You are the pattern of modern-day heroism.

You are loved and will be missed.

Twenty.

2009-07-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

July 28,1989. 12:03 pm - 20 long years ago.

But 20 years after that fateful date, was a struggling man who couldn't even face the reality of being "bente".

Twenty. Sadly for me, this fresh start with that "2" digit in my age is something i dreaded since then. It's true. I kind of hated it... yet it's a bittersweet feeling turning 20 and leaving that 19th stair, and the moment i finally took a step to the next stair and accepting my 20th was piercing. But I know its not just because i'll have to leave the teenage ... but maybe because of how my bully-looking yet silenced father, Jaime, reacted after realizing that his youngest son is turning 20. We talked...

"What's the plan sa birthday pa?" I asked.
"Pila na diay imo edad?" my 65-year old dad asked me back.
I showed that pouting sad lips and said, "twenty!"
And he exclaimed with that big vice that seemed to me a command...
"Sus! Gulang naman diay ka! Sige raman ka'g binata!

from that moment on, the lines perhaps triggered me to take the first step toward seriousness or perhaps, just a new level of extra-strength (like the infamous "Ultapas nga halang" lols) and a new set of extra-miles.

But yes, it's high time to take responsibilities with determination and seriousness - two words that will hopefully compel me to move even further as a 20-year old guy... (sound seems hair-raising. awoo!)

Teenage will be the best part of life... a fact never to be extinguished yet a fact that makes the whole thing bitter - and knowing that i can never call my self a "teen" again, as i was always proud of to my friends (my friends are mostly in their 20s anyway), notwithstanding the many traynta-on friends i have.

But i shouldn't fret. Ever year is a blessing and a whole new field to tread on. Now, I should have to constantly remind myself with these lines: teenage has to pass, this stage simply has to come... and there's no stopping now.

So then, let acceptance reign on me. whatever!

(Special Thanks t Junrell Calunod for the layout of my birthday wallpaper)